(CONGERS, NY) Noticing that the menu at Nick’s Delicatessen has a category titled “Paninis,” local prick Kris Emden made sure to point out to his friends that the Italian word is actually plural and requires no ‘s.’ “The singular form … Continue reading Local Prick Helpfully Points Out That ‘Panini’ Actually Plural
“We’re tired of societal pressure to be employed and have resources,” men say. By Jennyfer Boletz, Media & Culture Correspondent Tired of what they see as media- and Hollywood-imposed pressure to be rich, ambitious, and successful, two underemployed American men … Continue reading REAL Men Bare It All: Two Average Guys Defy Stereotypes, Show Their Financial Status To The World
It is believed a US strike on Assad might aid rebels affiliated with the notorious terrorist group. See our “International” section for details. Continue reading Report: US Strike On Syria Might Bolster Al Qaeda
A four-part series in “Lifestyle” coming tomorrow. Continue reading Is The 3-Ring Circus Reducing Our Attention Spans?
(WASHINGTON) The White House today addressed heavy criticism of the latest spying allegations involving the National Security Agency, announcing at a press conference that a new travel alert has just been issued for Americans traveling abroad. “The president takes the … Continue reading White House Responds To NSA Spying Criticism With New Travel Terror Alert
(HOUSTON) NBA center Dwight Howard, who recently signed with the Houston Rockets, is demanding that the team trade or release him immediately, it was reported Monday. Howard, a nine-year veteran, told a reporter over email that he’s “fed up with … Continue reading Dwight Howard Demands Rockets Trade Or Release Him
(WASHINGTON) Calling the ruling “an historic moment for same-sex marriages and divorces,” divorce attorneys in the nation’s capital and across the country celebrated the Supreme Court’s decision to strike down the federal Defense of Marriage Act yesterday. “We applaud the high court’s judgment on what we feel was an outdated statute,” said Jason Lee, president of the American Association of Attorneys, in a written statement. “For too long, homosexuals have been excluded from the basic civil right to enter into matrimony, as well as the right to sever that bond and bleed their partners dry in a lengthy and exhausting … Continue reading Divorce Lawyers Hail Supreme Court’s Decision On Gay Marriage
(WASHINGTON) In an 8-1 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that persons who hang around outside the esteemed courthouse waiting on important decisions really need to get lives. “The burden on the individual is clear,” wrote Chief Justice John Roberts. “He is in need of a life with a job or at least time-consuming hobbies, in lieu of sitting around the steps of this building waiting for us to hand down decisions like Moses with tablets.” “Seriously,” he added, “who are these people? Are they bused in? Can’t they just have CNN on in the background at home, so … Continue reading Supreme Court Rules People Hanging Around Supreme Court Steps Need To Get Lives
(MIAMI) Fresh off his second consecutive NBA championship with the Miami Heat, guard/forward LeBron James announced today he has signed with the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys. The move was made by James in an effort to further get under your skin … Continue reading LeBron James Signs With Dallas Cowboys Just To Piss You Off Even More
Great Caesar’s Ghost has returned from a six-month publishing hiatus and is ready to call Barack Obama the 2012 Presidential Election winner, with all precincts reporting. He defeated former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. In our absence we realize many important … Continue reading GCG Returns From Hiatus, Ready To Declare Obama Winner In 2012 Election
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