Greece Stanches Bleeding, Transfers $1 Billion To 0% Interest Credit Card From Capital One

(ATHENS) Greece today took a major step forward in its debt relief by transferring large swaths of its debts to a single, 0% interest credit card. The nation’s largest creditor is now Capital One Bank.

Frustrated with billions in debt owed to the International Monetary Fund, the European Central Bank, and a slew of creditor nations, Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras frantically pulled the trigger on the debt transfer earlier today, after researching various deals on, sources told Great Caesar’s Ghost.

“Today, our great nation can breathe a little easier,” Tsipras told reporters at noontime. “With a large share of our nation’s debt consolidated with Capital One, Greece can pay down its debt faster, and for the first 18 months, without interest. This is a fair deal, and quite frankly, it was the best deal we could find.”

The arrangement allows for 0% interest on transferred debt for the first 18 months, and a rate of 18.9% thereafter. “We must be careful to pay as much principal as we can early on, to lower the interest charges,” Tsipras explained.

Greece’s spiffy new credit card will look something like this.

“This should be no problem,” he went on, explaining that when the physical card arrives in the mail, the prime minister would “cut it to shreds with a scissors.”

The transfer still leaves roughly half a billion dollars owed to other creditors, though the government insisted it was considering other cards, including a Bank Of America Platinum Card with a similar deal but a lower credit limit. “Really, once the zero-interest period ends, we can always transfer it again,” Tsipras said. He added that he had already set up an automatic-payment system that would deduct large payments each month from Greece’s central bank.

“We should not be ashamed of our situation,” Tsipras told the Greek people. “Every country has debt. We just let ours get a little out of control. Today we took a very important step in buying back our freedom. Together, we will vanquish our debts, and build a robust Greek economy ready for the future.”

Tsipras did concede that Greece might use the card for “safe online purchases.”



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