Local Prick Helpfully Points Out That ‘Panini’ Actually Plural

(CONGERS, NY) Noticing that the menu at Nick’s Delicatessen has a category titled “Paninis,” local prick Kris Emden made sure to point out to his friends that the Italian word is actually plural and requires no ‘s.’

“The singular form is panino, meaning sandwich. Panini is simply two or more,” Emden helpfully told anyone within earshot. He elaborated, “On a masculine noun, dropping an ‘o’ for an ‘i’ makes it plural.” He later added that “e” replaces “a” for feminine plural nouns, just in case anyone gave a fuck.

“It’s interesting and not something a lot of Americans realize, even Italian restaurant owners,” Emden went on, while deli owner Nick Schiavarelli patiently waited for an order. “Same for cannoli. People say, ‘I’m picking up some cannolis,’ but of course they mean cannoli.” Emden noted that he’d picked up a little Italian while studying abroad in Florence his junior year of college.

Upon learning that Schiavarelli was Sicilian, Emden noted how fascinating he found it that Sicilians are a mixed race people, owing to centuries of conquest by, and submission to, Greeks, Romans, Germans, Bourbons, and of course North Africans.

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