GCG Returns From Hiatus, Ready To Declare Obama Winner In 2012 Election

Great Caesar’s Ghost has returned from a six-month publishing hiatus and is ready to call Barack Obama the 2012 Presidential Election winner, with all precincts reporting. He defeated former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney.

In our absence we realize many important stories have unfolded and we are catching up on them in order to serve you the quality news coverage you expect from us.

We understand there is also a new pope, which caught us totally off guard as popes don’t usually resign. Did Benedict order a break-in or get a blow job in the office or something?

Great Caesar’s Ghost is also saddened to report, belatedly, on some kind of attack or invasion of Boston by the Ukraine. We are still gathering facts and will report them to you once confirmed. We assume the President has declared war on Ukraine but are pretty sure we’d have heard about that from our neighbors or family.

Otherwise, it sounds like business as usual in the Middle East, Europe, and here in America.

Oh shit, James Gandolfini died? Damn. He was young, right? 51? We’ll whip up a tribute. Man…that sucks. Heart attack? We were just watching a Sopranos rerun the other day and he seemed fine.

Fucking shit. Back to work.

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