Katie Holmes Leaves Church That Believes Humans Are Aliens For Church That Advises Drinking Human Blood

(LOS ANGELES) Actress Katie Holmes, fresh off her separation from husband Tom Cruise, has left the church that believes that humans are latent extraterrestrials, it was reported earlier this week. Holmes will rejoin the church in which she grew up, which advises its parishioners to drink and eat the symbolic blood and flesh of a man who died 2,000 years ago.

Cruise reportedly will remain with the church, which also promotes a theory, lacking in data, that cells are sentient beings with memory imprints called “engrams.” Holmes has already visited a parish in New York of the church whose dogma forbids contraception but is willing to turn a blind eye to immoral pederasts within its own rank and file.

In a related story, Cruise and Holmes were both labeled “infidels,” along with Hollywood and Western culture as a whole, by a man whose religion leads him to believe that if he just kills enough nonbelievers, he will enjoy 72 virgins in the afterlife.

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4 thoughts on “Katie Holmes Leaves Church That Believes Humans Are Aliens For Church That Advises Drinking Human Blood

  1. Great Caesar’s Ghost, where art thou ? Haven’t heard from you, nor seen a new article. Hope all’s well and you’re just on vacation. If so, enjoy, miss your posts
    Best,
    Leagan

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