Middle Aged Dad In Fishing Hat, Sunglasses, Khaki Shorts, Fanny Pack, Knee-High Socks Enduring Humidity With Pained Look Of Extreme Constipation

(ST. PAUL, MN) Bill Lute, 57, of St. Paul, has been enduring the current heat wave in the Twin Cities area by donning his most effective anti-humidity wardrobe and being sure to show his discomfort with a strained look on his face as he walks around outside, it was reported over the weekend.

Lute spent Saturday afternoon at the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden with his wife and went to a Saint Paul Saints baseball game on Sunday with his daughter. To battle the extreme heat and humidity and protect his Scandinavian skin, he made sure to wear his white fishing hat with neck string, sunglasses, khaki shorts, and knee-high white socks, not to mention plenty of 50-proof sunscreen.

“My dad definitely leaves nothing to chance when the calendar turns to June,” his daughter, Samantha Lute, 23, told the press. “He looks kind of dorky, but that’s my dad.”

In addition to his extensive outdoor wardrobe, Lute made sure to tuck his St. Thomas University t-shirt into his shorts, and to strap around his midsection a fanny pack containing his keys, wallet, aspirin, sunblock, and other various and sundry items. He also brought along his iPod Mini, a gift from his wife, so he could listen to NPR podcasts if the desire arose.

“I always come prepared,” Lute said.

As Lute walked around the Sculpture Garden on Saturday, he made sure to wear the pained look of someone battling a minor case of acid indigestion: jaw slightly agape, eyes squinted, brow furrowed. The look on his face undoubtedly conveyed the man’s disgust with the sweltering, mosquito-infested summer weather, though he was reluctant to vocalize his opinion so as not to ruin anyone else’s fun.

“Truth be told,” he confided, “I’d rather be ice fishing. I can’t wait until January.” Until then, Lute will just have to dress like Panama Jack’s Midwestern cousin while wearing the face of someone who’s been constipated for a week.

Lute eventually lost the hat and the appearance of discomfort after the game, when the sun had gone down and the air cooled. That’s when he and his family went out for dinner at the Twin Cities Brew Pub, and he was able to enjoy a delicious pint of craft beer. “That’s more like it,” Lute said with a smile as he took his first sip.

Family members agreed that this was the most ridiculous Lute had dressed since a Minnesota Vikings game last year when he wore a plush Viking helmet with braids, a 20-year-old Cris Carter jersey, and equally old pair of purple and gold Zubaz pants.


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