National Organization for Women Gets Super Close Guy Friend To Replace Air Conditioning

DC-area freelance programmer Casey Duran takes time out of his busy schedule to install the new window unit for NOW employees, including many of his closest female friends.

(WASHINGTON, DC) After their old air conditioning unit broke down, the National Organization for Women, America’s largest feminist organization, enlisted the help of super close guy friend Casey Duran to install a new window unit, it was reported late Friday from its headquarters in Washington.

Amidst several days of brutal heat and humidity with temperatures in the mid-90s, the National Organization for Women, or NOW, reportedly had the AC cranked as high as it could go on Thursday, when it stopped running. That led to an online purchase at O.Co for a new unit.

“It was like super, super hot and we were all sweating balls,” NOW junior publicist Tanya Kattell told reporters. “So we were like, oh my God, no way. We ordered the new AC and got overnight shipping. This morning we were all, ‘how are we going to take the old one out and put in the new one?’ So we gave Casey a call. He’s such a sweetheart.”

Duran, 27, initially told NOW that he was busy that Friday and could not make it to the NOW headquarters until 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. “We were like, ‘come on, Casey, please?'” Kattell recounted. “He said he couldn’t do it. We weren’t sure what to do.”

The NOW office thought for a few minutes about calling some of their “asshole ex-boyfriends,” but admitted they did not want to have a fresh encounter with someone they were currently getting over. “We asked Amy [Thompson] in Accounts Payable and Madison [Greene] in Graphics if they could call up the guys they’re seeing,” Kattell told reporters. “But neither of those guys would do it. They’re such jerks. Evan [Gerhke, Thompson’s boyfriend] even spent the night before at Amy’s place but he said he had company softball today and needed to rest up. I mean, seriously? Amy’s totally not talking to him for like two days after that.”

Kattell added quietly, “She’s pretty sure he’s cheating on her but hasn’t decided what to do.”

Out of options, the women and few men at the office decided to regroup and work over their good friend Duran, who, according to several workers at NOW, “is almost like a brother to us.”

Happy NOW employees pose for a photo after the new air conditioning was installed.

“We all called him up on speakerphone,” said Amy Thompson. “When he answered, we gave him a big sing-song ‘Hiiii Caaaseeey.’ You could tell he was a little annoyed. I told him I’d go with him to Amazing SpiderMan Saturday night and pay for the tickets and popcorn if he’d just do this small favor for us. We all told him how much we loved him and that he’s such a great guy. Finally he said he’d be over in a half hour. Casey’s the greatest.”

Duran, who spent his lunch break taking care of the air conditioning, arrived at the office to much female (and some male) attention and gratitude. He replaced the unit and brought the old one to the basement for recycling. “Casey, you are such a nice guy,” NOW president Terry O’Neill told Casey as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. “If only more men were as supportive as you. I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend.” Turning to the gathered office workers, she added, “One of you single straight women in this office should be all over this guy!”

Duran himself acted stoic about the whole affair. “They needed some help, and I’m happy to do it,” he told reporters. “I’m great friends with a lot of these girls. I mean women. That’s what friends are for.

“Besides,” he added. “I’ve had my eye on [NOW typist] Cindy Lu for a couple of years now. I think she’s close to breaking up with her boyfriend; she’s always complaining about what a prick he is. When she does, watch out. Ol’ Casey’ll be there to comfort her.”

As of press time, none of the female NOW office workers has followed through on the offer to take Duran to a movie for his troubles.


3 thoughts on “National Organization for Women Gets Super Close Guy Friend To Replace Air Conditioning

  1. “As of press time, none of the female NOW office workers has followed through on the offer to take Duran to a movie for his troubles.”

    Of course not. That says all that needs to be said about these “ladies”.

  2. This is hysterical. I can’t tell if it’s total parody or actually based on true people? It’s like The Onion crossed with Rational Male.

  3. After being disillusioned from my previous beliefs by life-saving blogs such as The Rational Male, I feel mixed emotions reading this: tears of laughter and some other more complicated feeling—been there, done that!

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