Romney Lays Off 30% Of Campaign Staff Out Of Habit

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney laid off nearly one third of his staff last night, in a move the campaign says was done simply out of habit.

“I got an email late last night after we got home from work,” said assistant media coordinator Adam Crabtree. “It was from Governor Romney, telling me that ‘while we thank you for your service, it will no longer be needed, effective immediately.’

“I was like, what the fuck?”

The layoffs, which cut across the Romney campaign hierarchy, came as a shock to all recipients. They come at a time when the campaign is gaining steam, having raised more funds than President Obama for the first time last month.

“So the guy’s got more money to work with and he fires us?” asked staffer Kim Thompson. “I mean, I know he used to make money doing stuff like this, but this is horse shit.”

Romney’s campaign spokesperson Andrea Saul responded by email to questions regarding the layoffs, stating that “It was not Governor Romney’s intention to relieve anyone of their job. Rather, this was an error due to habit. At the end of a busy day, Gov. Romney is accustomed to going back to his hotel room, taking a hot shower, catching the 11 pm news, and laying off a good two to three hundred people. He sincerely apologizes for the error, and will be in touch with every staffer about reporting back to work.”

At a campaign stop in Wichita today, Governor Romney addressed questions about the layoffs. “The truth is, I’ve held a lot of jobs where I’ve had to make tough decisions,” Romney explained. “So I know what it’s like to let someone go from their job. It’s not fun at all. But I’ll be the first to admit: It can be addictive.”

He was quick to add, “And I ask you to join me in laying off President Obama from his job in November!”

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2 thoughts on “Romney Lays Off 30% Of Campaign Staff Out Of Habit

  1. An true president is born president / thats the differ betwixt
    BARACK & MITT ( the deciding factor for the 2012 election.

    BARACK but a fraudster whom gained the position through
    fraud cunning deceit and as president / in having proved to
    the people thats all he having to offer fraud cunning deceit.

    MITT was born a president and God willing he will take his
    place leading the nation / honourably serving all humanity.

    The problem for republicans the grave harm as done by
    BUSH & his gang of extreme right wing religious fanatics..
    whom in two terms of govt did the nation grave harm that
    will take generations recovering from /earning forgivness.

    More heartbreaking BUSH did not even win such election
    putting him as republicans into govt /such gained through
    massive voting fraud which backed by a corrupt supreme
    court judgement awarding republicans an election victory
    such by far one of the saddest days in the USA’s history.

    However one can’t undo that which has been done / one
    can but learn from error /thus preventing similar injustice.

    At present the USA is as the TITANIC heading toward the
    ICEBERG it’s in the direst need of a new captain as crew
    thus a course of destruction can be altered // that there
    be a end brought to the destructive goal of world military
    domination/which resulting in the most appalling injustice
    committed worldwide in bringing death destruction great
    suffering unto man /woman child/ whom shown no mercy.

  2. I don’t know, with all the recent spelling errors plaguing Romney’s campaign – “sneak-peak”, “a Better Amercia” – just to name a couple, he probably has fired a large portion of his staff and distributed their work to remaining workers. Either that, or he outsourced his campaign to China.

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