(Chicago) The student body of Salsa Sabado, a salsa class at a local dance studio, is comprised entirely of white heterosexual men who were hoping to meet Latin women, disappointed sources reported Saturday.
“Well, this blows,” said student Dan Gleichauff, after 90 minutes of holding other males’ hands, shoulders and hips. “Not one lone Latin chick? I can’t believe I gave up $125 and my Saturday afternoons for this.”
The course, which meets for six consecutive Saturdays and is intended to teach beginners the fundamentals of salsa dancing, has apparently destroyed the hopes of all twelve single, male students, in addition to making them feel uncomfortable.
“I mean, even the teacher is another white guy,” said student Ben Hoffland. “Granted, I think he’s around 60 and gay, but still. The web site had this sexy Colombian cougar teaching a class that looked like it was about 80% chicks.”
Hoffland went on to admit that learning salsa was not his primary motive. “Sure, the dance moves will come in handy. But I’m not ashamed to admit, I was hoping to meet some single women from some different neighborhoods. We don’t even have ‘taken’ women here with their boyfriends. Just a full-blown sausage fest,” Hoffland said.
Another student, Rodney Surhoff, was equally dismayed. “When I was thirteen, I went on a class trip to Puerto Rico,” Surhoff explained. “I fell in love with the music and definitely the women there. I’d love to go to some of the Hispanic neighborhoods around Chicago, grab a girl, and just start dancing. I was hoping this would give me the guts to do that.” Surhoff paused and shook his head. “Oh, well.”
Not every white guy in the class is single, however. One student, requesting to remain anonymous, confessed that he has a “regular, white girlfriend” he’s been meaning to break up with. “I signed up hoping to meet someone with a little more flavor,” the student said, “and that it would give me the courage to break up with my girlfriend. So much for that.”
In addition to the disappointing lack of available Hispanic females, the students also expressed their general discomfort with having to dance with other straight guys, all of whom were there for the same reason and thus feeling equally awkward.
But one student was more pragmatic about the classes. “I suppose even if we don’t meet any Latin women here, we’ll know how to dance Salsa at the end of six weeks,” admitted student Ron Imhoff. “Then we can actually go out to clubs and meet women like that.”
“Besides,” he added, “It doesn’t really make any sense now that I think about it. Why would salsa-dancing Latina girls take a beginner salsa class? They probably just learn it from their parents or something.”