NFL Network to Air ‘Top 20 Worst Non-Football Injuries’

The NFL Network will air a new special, “Top 20 Worst Non-Football Injuries,” according to a press release. “From famous setbacks like Ben Roethlisberger’s motorcycle accident, to more random knockouts like [Miami linebacker] David Bowens’ torn ACL he got while changing a lightbulb, this new countdown special will showcase the most bone-crunching, head-spinning random accidents of the non-football-playing world,” network spokesman Robert Petershack said in the release. “Many people know that Johnny Unitas was one of the best quarterbacks of all time,” continued Petershack, “but how many know he tore his Achilles tendon playing racquetball, nowhere near an NFL field, let alone a charging defensive lineman?” Many off-field injuries, Petershack added, could never possibly happen during a game involving physically taut and muscular men hurling themselves like missiles at one another’s heads. “Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg in a nightclub,” said Petershack. “That’s never, ever happened in an NFL game, according to our historians and legal team. With this new special we hope not only to entertain our viewers, but to show them that the world outside the game is a very, very dangerous place.”

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