KKK Endorses Same-Sex Marriage, ‘So Long As They’re Both the Same Race’

(Denver, CO) The extremist vigilante outfit known as the Ku Klux Klan has amended its official policy on same-sex marriage, according to Grand Wizard Samuel Wright. “The KKK, in order to keep up with the attitudes of the times, has moved to endorse same-sex marriage among people of matching races,” Wright told reporters following a lengthy debate at the Klan’s annual convention.

“Although members within the KKK family may individually disagree, the matter was put to a vote and has now become official Klan policy.” Wright went on to say that the Klan remains firmly against what he described as “ugly, ungodly miscegenation,” and that blacks and other minorities should make efforts to partner or marry, whether traditionally or as homosexuals, “within their respective tribes. We believe that love transcends all, except of course for skin color. On that debate we’re pretty much not changing.”

The policy change comes in the wake of a fiery (though not literally this time) internal debate, after two male Klan members chose to come forward with their homosexual relationship and intention to move to what Wright calls a “gay-marryin'” state such as Iowa. “Two of our dear brothers, bless their souls, were living lies. They’d been to our social mixers and even dated women, but bless their hearts, they fell in love with each other,” continued Wright. “Well, who are we to tell them that because of their differences, they don’t belong in our family?”

He quickly added, “I mean unless they’re black.”

After approving a motion to sanction same-sex marriages among whites, the Klan then moved on to a debate over whether minorities are entitled to similar rights, albeit in segregated terms. Arch-wizard Timothy Spencer, of the Kansas City chapter, made a powerful argument that promoting same-sex marriages among the “blacks, reds, yellows, browns, and such” would result in fewer childbirths, thereby diluting their populations over time. “I not only endorsed same-sex marriage among minorities,” Spencer said, “I will encourage it.”

The KKK announced its policy change is already a success, as more than 400 same-sex Klan couples from across the country have declared their intention to marry in private ceremonies, in states where the practice is legal.

Said Wright, “The phones in our chapter offices in [Manhattan’s] West Village are ringing off the hook this week.”


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